Saturday, December 29, 2007
lalala.
its pathetic,
i am pathetic.
i dont get myself.
why im feeling this way & stuff.
like everything isnt going how i wanted it to.
i know i sound like a selfish brat, who always get what she wanted.
but, reality is far from that, really.
you know, the feeling of having many many friend, but none of them you can really confide in?
like, tell them about EVERYTHING.
if you have one, good for you.
cos ive been craving for one.
i know my character is dull.
everything i do, everything i say, isnt interesting.
im not all that humourous, im not all that pretty & awesome.
but, deep down, im something else.
or maybe not.
i can say i hate myself for not being so open, & stuff.
when im with them, i couldnt speak their language, act like they do.
all i did was, trying to fit in.
& now, im completely worn out.
i feel like i dont belong with them.
god, why does it seemed so hard for me?
why am i such an introvert?
why cant i just express my true self to everyone?
why am i trying hard to please everyone else, other than myself?
i dont understand this.
why am i made this way?
im no where superior.
im no where exciting.
im no where nice to be with.
just who the heck am I?
sometimes, i wonder why im trying to be someone else im not.
why must i put on a mask in front of everybody else.
its painful to let it all out, but even more painful to keep it all inside.
life's a torture.
sometimes i do wonder why,
why i have strangers as friends,
& acquaintances as goodfriends, or bestfriends.
i dont get why im even there.
they all know so little about me.
who's there to talk to?
who's there to confide in everything?
why am i still stuck in that little hole?
when will i ever come out of it?
the feeling's torturous.
i dont want to care about what other people think, or say.
but, i just cant help it.
is it just my fault, or something else is holding me behind?
i just dont get it.
& i doubt i ever will.
& its just temporary , ♥
5:44 AM
